Helplessly
by nightrobin2424
Summary: He loved her, but she always loved someone else, but when she smiled nothing could ever go wrong. Sandle, GSR. CHARACTER DEATH.


A/N: As most of you know who read my stories I primarily write Nick/Greg, this being my second Sandle. But this song has been plaguing me because it just screamed Greg and Sara and this story came from it. I hope you enjoy! The song is Helpless When She Smiles by the Backstreet Boys.

* * *

Helplessly

_She keeps her secrets in her eyes  
She wraps the truth inside her lies  
Just when I can't take what she's done to me  
She comes to me  
Leads me back to paradise_

Greg knew from the moment he met her Sara Sidle was something special, something unique and something that he would never have. He knew it back then yet he still couldn't help but be captivated by her. She wasn't there for him hell she didn't even know he existed, she was there Grissom. Greg knew he'd never be able to compete with Grissom for her heart even if Grissom had no clue she wanted it. He was content thought to love her from afar because when she smiled it made his day. There were times when he thought he had, when he had been so close, but there was always something between then, someone.

"I had fun Greg I really did." Sara said as they exited the theater.

"I'm glad you decided to go, it would have no fun alone."

"Lucky you had an extra ticket then." She said with a smirk.

"Yep lucky me." He took a chance and twined his arm through hers. "Maybe we should do this more often."

"Maybe." She wasn't pulling away, that was a good sign. "Greg this was just a friends thing right?"

"Oh yeah of course it was." He said even though his heart was breaking.

"Good, because you're a good friend Greggo." He frowned that's all he'd ever be to her Greggo the friend, he wasn't Grissom, he wasn't anybody.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll only ever be your friend won't I?"

"Oh Greg…."

"Because we could be so much, so good…"

"I'm sorry Greg." She said touching his face. "I just don't feel that way for you."

"I understand." But he didn't, he could give her the world if she asked but she didn't want it. She just smiled at him and he could do nothing but smile back.

_She's so hard to hold  
But I can't let go_

Now it was pretty apparent that Greg would never get her, now that it was out in the open about Grissom and Sara. He was at the hospital, but afraid to go in because Grissom was always there and Greg just wanted a minute alone with her, that's all just one minute.

"Greg, I didn't see you there, I'm sure Sara would like to see you."

"If it's ok then."

"It is." Grissom nodded and moved away so Greg could go in the room. "Tell her I will be back later."

"Ok." He nodded and crept his way into the room. He couldn't believe how nervous and scared he was, he couldn't see her like this but he had to.

"Hi Greg."

"How did you know it was me?"

"I know that Sanders scent." She said with a faint smile and it made his heart break and tears well in his eyes.

"I was so scared Sara, so scared."

"I'm here Greggo, I'm here." And there it was Greggo, never Greg anymore just good ole dependable Greggo the friend and nothing more.

"I've always loved you Sara Sidle." He whispered as he touched her hand.

"I know." And that was it, he knew she was a lost cause gone from his grasp because Sara Sidle never belonged to him she would always be Grissoms.

He made his decision when they were at the go cart track and he saw the way she looked at Grissom, something she could never do in public until now and he knew he couldn't stay there anymore, he had to leave to get away from her. If he didn't leave surely he would break inside. It was a hard thing to face but he knew it was the only option left for him and he had to do it. He knew he was weak running away like he was, but it was the only way out.

_I'm a house of cards in a hurricane _

_A wreckless fire in the pouring rain_

_She cuts me and the pain is all I wanna feel _

_She danced away just like a child _

_She drives me crazy, drives me wild _

_But I'm helpless when she smiles _

His hands were trembling as he exited Grissom's office, he wanted to make a quick and clean getaway so he opted for just leaving the notice and running away as quickly as possible. It was the coward's way out but he knew if he had to answer questions he'd never leave.

"Hey Greg." Great not now, why did she always pick the right time to show up.

"Hi Sara."

"You look a bit pale, you ok?"

"I'm fine." He wanted to tell her that he would do anything for her that he would love her until the day he died, but he couldn't because it would only make leaving harder and he had to leave.

"If you're sure, see you later Greg." If only she knew they would never see each other again, would she even care that he was gone? It didn't matter now, as soon as shift was over Vegas and Sara would be a distant memory.

* * *

"Greg!" Her voice rang out in the crowded airport and he turned around, sure his mind was playing tricks on him. But he saw her clear as day running toward him.

"Sara?"

"What are you doing Greg? I have to find out from Grissom you're leaving and you can't even say goodbye?"

"Of course." Greg snorted. "Grissom told you."

"Stay Greg whatever is wrong I can help."

"Don't you see Sara?" Greg said as his throat became dry. "It's you I'm running away from."

"What?"

"I can't do it anymore Sara, I can't you're in my every thought and I all I ever wanted was a chance to show you….but I never could compete with him."

"Greg…" Sara's voice was choked and he could see the tears in her eyes.

"I told you I have always loved you Sara, and I always will, but I can't be here anymore."

"I don't want you to leave."

"Last call for Flight 345 to Sanfransisco, now boarding."

"I'm sorry Sara, goodbye."

"Greg please…" she begged. "You don't have to do this."

"I do." He whispered and he turned to leave but he wouldn't go without letting her know once and for all she would always be loved. He pulled her to him and placed his lips to hers intending it to be short, but when Sara kissed backed he let himself fall into the kiss, into her, telling her what he could never get into words. "Goodbye Sara." He whispered as they parted.

"Goodbye Greg." She stood there and watched him and she didn't leave until he disappeared fully from her sight, only then did she collapse to her knees sobbing for something she didn't know she had missed out on, until now.

_Maybe I'd fight it if I could _

_It hurts so bad, but feels so good _

_She opens up just like a rose to me _

_When she's close to me _

_Anything she asked me to, I would _

Three weeks later she received a package in the mail, Grissom handed it to her with a curious expression on his face clearly seeing the package was from Sanfrancisco. Their relationship had been strained since Greg left, but no one would mention his name, it was like he was a ghost now. There were two envelopes inside and she felt her heart race, maybe he was coming home.

_Dear Miss Sidle,_

_You don't know me, but you knew my son. I'm not even sure how to begin, Gregory always spoke of you and when he decided to come home he never said why, but the look in his eyes and when I asked about you I knew. Greg was my only child…._

She stopped reading as her hands began to tremble; his mother had said was…

"Honey are you ok? You're shaking." But she couldn't answer him and Grissom took the piece of paper from her.

_Three days ago Greg was coming home from the store, it was raining out and things were hard to see, a car ran a red light smashing into Greg's side of the car he never made it to the hospital, later we were told he died instantly. The person who killed him was seventeen, a young girl under the influence of alcohol and her friends ran that light and killed my son… I wanted to be the first to let you know, to tell you because if you heard it on the news it wouldn't seem right. It was no secret my son loved you Sara and enclosed is something my husband and I think you should have it was found in the things he never unpacked from Vegas. And please if you get the chance to visit please do. _

_Greta Sanders _

Grissom could feel his eyes moisten, and he looked to Sara who was silent.

"Honey?"

"Is Greg ok? His mom must have been writing for him…"

"Sara Greg passed away he was in an accident."

"No you're lying to me, he's fine, he's fine."

"Sara…please…"

"Maybe I should call him…"

"Sara he's gone."

"No…no…." she collapsed into his arms, sobbing into his chest; it really had to be a dream. She didn't know what to do, if only she would have told him how much he meant to her, but now he was gone and she would never have another chance now.

* * *

She had insisted on going alone, Grissom didn't want her to, but it was something she had to do. Greta and Mike Sanders had welcomed her into their home and she had been in Greg's childhood room and had cried into his pillow. Now she felt her knees go weak as she stood in front in front of Greg's grave. She reached in her pocket and pulled out an unopened envelope. She had not read it yet, but felt now was the right time next to him. She sat down on her knees and traced his name with her finger, wanting to etch him into life, into her memory forever. Her shaking hands tore the envelope open and picture fell to the ground. She picked it up and a smile graced her face, it was from when he got promoted to CSI and they were smiling at each other and even in the picture she could see the love he held for her.

_Sara,_

_Somehow I feel when you will finally read this I won't be here anymore, don't ask me how I know I just know. It's been two days since I left and I know I will be too chicken to send this letter, but I know it will reach you someday. I'm sorry about the way I left, but you have to know it was the only option for me. I know you love Grissom, you have always loved Grissom and I can tell how happy you are and all I ever wanted was for you to be happy even if it was never with me. I just wanted to tell you are my entire world Sara Sidle and even though I'm not in Vegas anymore I will never forget you, nor will I never stop loving you. I will miss your smile though because when you smiled at me nothing in the world could ever go wrong. And if I am right and I am gone when you read this remember this, you will always be loved Sara and I will always be by your side no matter what, please know that. You're are my everything and always will be._

_Love always,_

_Greg_

The tears were staining her cheeks and she picked up the picture and traced his face, wishing she would have known, wishing it wasn't too late. She tucked the picture in her jacket and then folded the letter and placed it upon his grave. She let her fingers run over his name one more time before she stood. The sun was beginning to set and she sucked in a breath promising herself she would return soon, promising him she would return. The letter stayed still next to his grave as the wind picked up, but maybe it was meant to stay because there were words written right under his name.

_I love you too Greg and I always will forever yours Sara. _

She felt the wind whip against her face and she smiled despite the tears that still fell from her eyes, she knew everything would be ok because Greg would always be by side and that was enough to make her smile.

_She drives me crazy, drives me wild _

_But I'm helpless when she smiles_


End file.
